Air-Dried Eggplant
by omyhangu
Summary: A story that I wrote years back when ZUN freshly minted out Ten Desires in 2011. It is about one of the few domination pairings in Touhou, and my two favorite characters. Hope you enjoy reading it!


When I first tried to scare her, in one of the many mornings of Spring, she insulted me almost immediately.

She asked dreamily, "...what is with that umbrella? It really looks the same shade as an eggplant..."

She was so queer and nonchalant in response, I was starting to doubt my skills in scaring Humans. But hearing those words, I felt utterly humiliated, and I waggled my umbrella at her in fury.

Then we fought, our spectral _danmaku_ ablaze in the skies of newborn Spring.

"_Frog Sign: Cobalt Spread!_" the human, a green-haired shrine maiden called Sanae Kochiya, activated her spell card with a straight face, with frogs flying at me in a massive, colorful explosion as I was summoning my final spell card.

Oh, how I felt the cruel shame of being defeated by a Human, for the first time after I was abandoned by some Human about a thousand years ago during the Heian Period (an innocent umbrella like me does not deserve this!). Usually, humans run away so quickly before I could even say "Boo!", to my utmost delight.

However, this sassy girl in front of me seemed to be an airhead of some sort, and did not seem to understand my long depression, and was seemingly oblivious to her surroundings.

"Oh, I can't stand this," I intoned in misery.

"So, it's not just mice. Even umbrellas won't take me seriously. It's the end of me… What happened to my dignity as a human... ?" she blabbered, appearing disgraced and upset.

Mice? Did she meet that overly-serious Dowser-General of a Mouse? But aside from that, her being so rude while queer is certainly getting her into a lot of trouble this morning. With my sadness and all the injustice that I experienced earlier - I should be the one losing my dignity instead as a Monster and an Umbrella!

I threatened her, telling her that I would mess up her shrine (despite being unsure of it whereabouts), and she said in reply:

"Oh my, you really shouldn't be this self-destructive. I'll have to exterminate you if you do that."

She then flew off in the direction of the weird flying temple ship that belonged to Byakuren. I began to cry.

The injustice!

I, Kogasa Tatara, will not sit back and watch myself being humiliated!

This was how my first encounter with Miss Kochiya, Miko of Moriya, went.

I decided to scare her in the night, a time where people are most nervous about unexpected intruders. I hid myself in a cloud beforehand, a splendid hiding spot.

As soon as I saw a green-haired miko in a blue polka-dotted dress flying under the sullen moonlight, I raced up to her, silent as an ant, and I screamed in glee and vengeance:

"_BOOO!_ I messed up last time. You have to wait until night-time to surprise humans! HAHAHAHA!" and with that I chortled, "_Umbrella Sign: Lightly Falling Large Raindrops!_"

In the matter of a minute, I was yet again, utterly and shamefully defeated on a second round. She then flew away in battle with other insane fairies in the sky, leaving me battered and worse of all, lonely.

This is it! I cannot stand this, let her exterminate me for all I care! I shall mess up her shrine tomorrow.

As I was trying to find a refuge in the clouds to spend the night in, I saw her again, side-to-side with a girl dressed in black, with those familiar pair of pointed metallic wings on one side and curved arrow-shaped wings on the other. That sight struck me real hard on my canopy.

She knows Nue? How is that even possible? It was also the first time I actually saw the air-headed shrine maiden smile, so sweetly, with a small box in her hands. She was really stunning in her eye-smile, and my great fury towards her suddenly became as insignificant as a raindrop on my skin.

"Say _ni_!" I heard her say to Nue, whom looked rather uncomfortable being next to her, as she raised that tiny box over both of their heads. It was a rather bewildering sight.

I watched them both for some time, until they uneventfully parted. I finally found sleep by then, but I had a strange dream of exploding frogs and snakes.

The next morning, I managed to locate Nue, whom was seeking out a fight as usual, darting her blood-red eyes around the landscape. I asked her about where that Sanae girl lived.

"Oh she lives in the shrine at the top of the mountain. But hey, why do you want to visit her? She would kill a monster like you as if she squashed an ant with her foot," Nue replied, shuddering. "Humans are getting better at fights I just have to start training..."

In which she started droning on about yesterday's defeat to some mere humans, in which I realized she had also fought the other red miko with her devastating spellcards and that girl in black on a broom, who had literally blasted me off the sky yesterday in a humongous ray of light. I empathized with her sorrows of yesterday, in which we both parted for our daily scares.

I knew where that mountain was for there were not many mountains in Gensokyo. It had full of Tengu at the top, with a sustainable Kappa population living at the lakes which were fed by a grand waterfall.

Seeing the immense size of the waterfall for the first time actually surprised me!

I dropped onto an inconspicuous large oak tree when I saw the _Torii_ of the shrine, and I saw her sweeping the shrine steps as if nothing had happened yesterday.

She looked clean and refreshed this morning, and was smiling, ever so sweetly, like yesterday night with Nue. Her long silky lime green hair has been neatly combed and pinned and wrapped, her green eyes shining in earnest of the morning's potential offers. She hummed a light, simple tune as she swept the shrine steps with the grace and fluidity of the wind. What I saw was a beautiful, immaculate girl which I did not see yesterday. This creature was definitely not the insolent Human I saw yesterday.

I felt my heart racing, like the bullets the both of us shot at each other yesterday. I suddenly became unable to breathe properly, and there was a odd rising excitement in my chest. Why is that?

It was then she started tearing. A guilty pang resonated within me. Did I make her upset for this long?

But why am I thinking so irrationally? She crushed my dignity as a Youkai, and now is the chance to get back at her!

In that instant of my fury, she murmured, as if a zephyr had passed:

"Why am I crying...?" she smiled to herself, while looking out at the scenery of Gensokyo from the shrine steps. She then wiped her tears with her long sleeves that failed to cover her smooth armpits.

What a weirdo! I hate her!

I had better things to do, and decided to start working on the destruction of her Shrine. _By Byakuren, it was massive!_

I lunged at the temple, whacking the huge wooden roof repeatedly with my umbrella.

"Hey! Stop that!" I heard her cry out from behind, her seeming helplessness making me laugh. I used a spellcard to send down a torrent of rain onto the massive rooftop.

"I CAN'T BE TRAPPED BY COMMON SENSE!" I heard the Miko scream as she sent out an overwhelming sea of semi-homing _danmaku_.

No, I will not be defeated again like this! I flashed my monster train spellcard, hoping fervently that she would be busy grazing the bullets while I tried to find the back door of this massive shrine.

"_Esoterica 9-Character Pierce!_" the Miko had screamed in my direction, and waved her _gohei_ threateningly, in which out of the blue the entire shrine grounds was filled with colorful lines that criss-crossed, converged and overlapped, making a beautiful rainbow grid encompassing possibly the whole Youkai Mountain and beyond.

She surprised me so completely in letting me figure out that these lines, at once when I was in contact with them, tossed me up and down, left and right, only throwing me into contact with more colorful lines, and _by Myouren_, it hurt!

The pain was so bad that I blacked out at once.

I felt my duty in scaring others mercilessly taken away when I woke up screaming to a pair of large green eyes staring at me. I was in a large room and a warm futon was covering my body.

This was a morning scare of creepy proportions!

"Are you alright? I'm sorry if I hurt you this bad, but Lady Kanako had left the shrine in my care as she went to spread faith all around the human village, and you were attacking the shrine so please understand-" the Miko said.

None of those words entered my ears as I rose inexorably in anger when I saw her, and I shouted, "My dignity! You took away my dignity as a youkai, I want you to pay for the hurt you have inflicted on me!" I thrashed about in the futon, and reached for my umbrella which was next to me.

"Hey! Don't leave-" I heard her shout as I flew out of the Shrine.

"I'll find another way to scare you, stupid shrine maiden. _One day!_" I screamed into the wind as the massive shrine behind me shrank in size while I fled the mountain.

The days that followed after, I went about my business scaring humans who wandered away from the Human Village, and stayed near the Myouren Temple. The seasons grew and withered, and I was delighted that people began to fear me. I did not visit the Moriya Shrine for months, nor thought of the green-haired Miko much anymore.

It took another incident to change all that.

* * *

_A few seasons after_

* * *

"Ugh, damn you!" I cursed out loud as I got pummeled by a streaming sea of _danmaku_.

Yoshika Miyako, the Loyal Corpse, did not look the least amused or triumphant, as she beat me for the third time in a row.

For the first two tries on her I simply timed out, but just now I was too exhausted even to dodge the bullets properly. Yoshika seemed unfazed, and droned on about her duty.

"Ah, Master says I have to protect the graveyard... she would be angry at me if failed to carry out her orders. Master can be such a sweet woman though..." Yoshika muttered to herself, then recited a Chinese poem that I could not comprehend. It is not surprising that I would grow incredibly annoyed at this worm-brained zombie.

"Well you stupid, stupid zombie!" I cried in agony, "What is so good about your Master anyway?"

She had to trash me about for the fourth time in order to give me the reason. By then, I had lost so much energy I could not even execute any more spellcards.

"Don't you speak ill of my Master! Master is... she is... beautiful. She takes great care of me, and does everything in my favor. She is such a nice lady... someone who is able to love," Yoshika replied, dreamily looking over the graveyard, as if the injuries she inflicted on me did not exist.

"Love? The word is like heresy to me. Does a wicked hermit such as your Master even have that?"

Yoshika, inhumanly swift, launched another barrage of _danmaku_, almost killing me.

"But of course!" she smiled a grisly corpse smile, and flew off, leaving me to tend to my own wounds.

* * *

_BGM: 素敵な墓場で暮しましょ_

* * *

After Yoshika left, I was faced with a lot more hell than I have experienced since last Spring. The red miko, the black magician, and a half-ghost gardener had all come to torment me (after I attempted to torment them in my weak state), and they seemed to think that I was a hindrance. I was rather relieved to find out later, that Yoshika was no match for them either.

It did not take long for her to come along as well. As she flew towards the graveyard, I could see her large green eyes sparkling with adventure, with so much anticipation for whatever obstacle that may come her way.

Damn, she spotted me at my weakest!

"Oh, so you're..." she murmured in the air, her voice nearly surreal. A faint smile on those charming lips formed.

My heart skipped a beat, and all hate inside me dispelled in mass quantities. I could feel my face growing warm at this rare showcase of her happier side. But since she was also going in this direction towards the graveyard, I poured out my suffering:

"Ah, you arrived at a good time! I saw this girl I've never seen before keeping watch back there. But no matter how many times I shoot her, I always lose by time out..."

"So hey, do something about her, Please!" I intoned.

The Miko said with (sickening) glee, "Huh? A quarrel between fellow youkai, perhaps? That's just perfect! I'll take care of both of you at once!"

Have I forgot to mention how amazingly sadistic she could get, despite her demure appearance?

* * *

_Pichuuuuuuuun~_

* * *

I was defeated yet again, and she rode the wind in the direction of Yoshika as if I didn't exist.

The injustice! The agony! I cannot stand this!

While she was off to complete the Third Stage, I had decided to wreck her shrine, and hoped to witness the horror and surprise on that immaculate face.

With renewed vigor from all my hatred of her, I flew to the Youkai Mountain, and blasted any fairy, whether deranged or just a pure _baka_, that came in my way.

The Moriya Shrine was once again devoid of people, which was advantageous. It was so deserted I could hear the rustling leaves of the evergreens that were planted at the shrine entrance, as they came into intimate contact with the wind.

I went on to spit all the _danmaku_ I could conjure towards the shrine entrance, and used my true body, the umbrella I held to smash up the floorboards, the bamboo paper sealed doors...

I picked out a whooshing sound in the distance, and instinctively turned around. But I did not see a character anywhere, and wondered whether it was my imagination.

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was a massive brown boulder and two impossibly large wooden pillars homing towards me at impossibly high speeds.

* * *

_Pichuuuuuuuuuuun~~_

* * *

Waking up became an exhausting matter, as I tried to snuggle in a nice and comfortable position under the massive futon. It smelled like the morning rain, with a tinge of fallen Spring leaves, a rather nostalgic combination.

I heard murmurs beyond the huge futon I was under, and picked out three people talking.

"This youkai also came to wreck our shrine last spring? While I was organizing the Moriya faith propagation scheme?"

"Yes, Kanako-sama. But she was only a feeble youkai so it wasn't much of a challenge to defeat her."

"You sure she isn't harmful?" a small, slightly childlike voice piped in, "She looked pretty angry wrecking up the shrine back there."

"She is a Karakasa Obake, and full of inner spite, but her powers were weak as compared to mine. I wonder what has driven her to start destroying the Moriya household..." I heard that all too familiar, that hateful sugared voice of the green-haired Miko. I seethed in anger, and underneath the futon I readied myself to unleash _danmaku_ with my umbrella at whoever's concerned.

Something hard and massive slammed onto my arm and another knocked the breath out of me as it hit my chest...

* * *

_Evening_

* * *

I might be getting used to this, blacking in and out, getting defeated by opponents much stronger than me. Did dear Nue experience this too? All her 800 years worth of conflicts with humans and other youkai?

It seemed to be the same futon, the very room in which I woke up from earlier on. But unlike the last time, I was dead beat, and I knew fighting was not an option to get out of here.

The futon really smells nice, though... I thought, snuggling further into it for warmth.

I heard the door open, and a delicious smell wafted and flooded the room. The green-haired Miko was carrying a tray of food, and I could smell some of its contents:

Miso soup, fried mountain shoots, steamed egg...

My mouth began watering, and I tried to grab for the tray, which resulted in a sharp pain resonating from my bandaged right arm, where it was hit earlier on.

"Please do not move, you are already badly hurt from everything that we did to you earlier on," the Miko soothed, blowing a steaming bowl of miso soup, "Here, try the soup, I've spent all night preparing dinner for you..."

I was too tired to argue or shout, and I let her gently feed me with a spoon. Our eyes locked onto each other's for a moment, and there was a sudden chill down my spine, with my cheeks growing hot. Was it due to the miso soup that she was feeding me?

Every mouthful of the soup was delicious, and filled with the flavors of the Youkai Mountain, and to think she prepared this all by herself! I took the chance to steal glances at her.

The Miko looked extremely haggard. I saw wounds on her face and hands, accumulated from all the earlier battles of the latest incident, and her usually smooth and silky green hair is now unkempt and in a disarray. As sadistic as she may get, her job as a Miko is incredibly demanding, and seeing her poor state made my heart clench, a sadness for her that I cannot understand...

Despite all my rage at her over the past few seasons, coupled with futile attempts to destroy the Moriya Shrine, she is still feeding me, tending to me. I teared at that thought, as regret struck me hard.

She noticed me crying, asking, "What's wrong? Is the soup too bland? If you don't mind, I can help you change it-"

"I don't know how to thank you for all this. I-I-I don't know how to apologize for all that I have done towards you all these seasons. I-"

Sanae then kissed me on the cheek abruptly, and withdrew from my steadily warming face like a chilling zephyr.

I came to realize that she surprises people even better than I do.

"I understand. I hope you would get better," she smiled, without a hitch.

She spent a long time feeding me before she finally retired, and by the time I slept, my dreams became uncertain, my emotions already soaring into the Sky, at the end of Spring.

* * *

_Summer_

* * *

There were no longer any more incidents, but I have learnt to be happier than before. Scaring people was still a hobby, but I figured that picking fights would be too painful, and blacking out was not a nice experience. I decided to live somewhere nearby the Myouren Temple - It was great to surprise the visitors!

Things that did happen, however, were:

Byakuren in uptight debates with the recently awakened Taoist Prince.

The Moriyans have joined in such religious debates.

Thus-

Sanae is busy.

Sanae is-

I found myself worrying unnecessarily about her again, and those fresh, warm lips of that Springtime flooded into my memories again.

This time, I surprised myself by grinning so hard.

If we had the chance to cross our paths once more, i'll give her a much bigger surprise than that.


End file.
